I've discovered my inner child and we've decided that you're icky.
I just can't love someone who would love someone like me.
"Could you please remove your close from the closet? They are much to large for my new girl friend."
Hey baby, welcome to dumpville. Population, you.
You and your mom are so much alike....in bed
"I have a lot of growing up to do."
im counting my tears till i get over you
"Listen, these bloody scratches on my back weren't caused by another lover, it was my 3-year old son."
"You don't smile enough. Saying you are happy and looking it are two different things."
"Anyone else you'd like to be having a relationship with at the moment?"
"Summer is over and so are you."
"I'd rather be single."
"I don't like who I am when I'm with you."
"You remind me of the sea...you make me sick."
"I function better as a single person".
bitch, are relationship is just like your weight, it's over...
you may not know my name, but your boyfriends cute. he'll be screamin' it later..
guys are like m&ms some have nuts and some dont!!
Beating up little kids... errr I mean babysitting
u said u hate to see me hurt~ u said u hated to see me cry~ *then when all the times u were hurting me...* *were u closing ur eyes?*
I luv u more then words could ever even say...... and i think about u every moment of the day.....
because of you i dance in the rain i have no pain i have fantasies on my face i feel the breeze i can almost fly as i watch the sky ...as it all fades away
Go read someone elses away message dork !
Wacthing,Porn I mean BabySitting
I'll get back to you when I get done hanging these kids
Doctors say that it is good for us to drink 8-10 glasses of water a day. Unfortunately it has its consequences. brb
Be back in a flush...I mean flash!
Feeding the toilet some chocolate...
HELP! I'm trapped in the toilet, I fell in. Can you please help me... Hello... Hello.. Uh-oh i think someone is coming.
I'm off to the urination station
(BRB) BathRoom Break. Clever huh ;)
Who lives in a pine apple under the sea, spongebob square pants, who left they computer cause they had to go pee Your name! brb
If the ocean was liquor and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink my way up. But the ocean's not liquor and I'm not a duck, so pour me a shot and let's get F*#@%D UP!!
You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor...
Screw Eating Lucky Charms, I'm Already Magically Delicious! :) Breakfast, bbl.
If only men could be as satisfying as chocolate.
The food in my kitchen is calling my name and the chocolates are yelling the loudest....I better go see what they want!
burger-$3.99 coke-$0.99 being proud of your fatness-priceless
*You know what pisses me off? People who point at the wrist when asking the time, i know where my watch is buddy where they f**k is yours? I mean do I point at my crotch when I ask where the bathroom is??
*Fubu Shirt*- $50 Rocca Wear Sweatshirt*- $80 Sean John Hat*- $30 Realizing your white*-Priceless
*I am not here so stop writing to me, or else you will find yourself with a screen full of your own messages
*ps2-$599.99 fritos-$1.99 cursing as mario like a sailor because the game just froze up-priceless
This one time at fat camp, I let this guy feel my boobs, then I felt his! :-D
TkHkIkSkIkSkAkWkAkYkTkOkKkEkEkPkAkDkUkMkBkAkSkSkBkUkSkY read every other letter starting with T
now i lay me down 2 study i pray that i will not go nutty and if i should die b4 i wake thats 1 less test ill have 2 take
If you were homework..than ud be lucky because I would be doing you...
(look at the bright side you are better than you think)
Behind the make-up. and the long brushed hair, there's a sign on our heart saying, "Handle with Care"
* I can go to wit my hair all messt, makeup runnin down my face, eyes red from cryin, and he still says... ...*Baby ur Beautiful*...
(SoMeTiMeS I WiSh i cUd jUsS RuNaWaY N mAyBe aLL mY PrObLeMs wUd gO AwAY bUt tHeN I LoOk iN Ur eYeS Nd sEe u sMiLe nD U MaKe LiViN aLL tHe wOrTh wHiLe*)
TheReZ nO SuCh tHiNg aS a PLaYA... ...JuS LiL bOyZ sCaReD tO GeT HuRt..
.If you need a nickle ill give you a dime if you need a man bitch dont f*ck wit mine
C.L.A.S.S. Crap Lasting All Stupid Semester
Roses are red,
violets are blue,
im taking a shower,
so i dont smell like you!
I'm in the shower right now. Dont get any ideas, I charge for stuff like that. ;-)
can't talk to you right now. Why? Because I'm in the middle of giving my pillow head

Terrible Pickup Lines

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "Haven't we met before?"
Woman: "Yes, I'm the receptionist at the Venereal Disease Clinic."

 Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?"
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

 Man: "What sign were you born under?"
Woman: "No Parking."

 Man: "Hey, baby, what's your sign?"
Woman: "Do Not Enter."

 Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized!"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason." Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

 Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

 Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "May I see you pretty soon?"
Woman: "Why? Don't you think I'm pretty now?"

Man: "Your hair color is fabulous."
Woman: "Thank you. It's in aisle three at the corner drug store."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

Man: "I'd go through anything for you."
Woman: "Good! Let's start with your bank account."

Man:I Dont Know Why You Wear A Bra..You Have Nothing To Put In It.
Woman:You Wear Pants Dont You?

Man:Shall We Try Swopping Positions Tonight?
Woman:Thats A Good Idea-You Stand By The Ironing Board While I Sit On The Sofa!

On A Wall Written In The Ladies Room:
"My Boyfriend Follows Me Everywhere"
Written Just Below It:
"I Do Not"

Q:Why Is It Difficult To Find A Men Who Are Sensitive,Caring And Good Looking?
A:They Already Have Boyfriends

Man Says To God:Why Did You Make Women So Beautiful?
God Says To Man:So You Would Love Her
Man Says To God:Why Did You Make Her So Dumb?
God Says To Man:So She Would Love You